<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar/30821877?origin\x3dhttp://pianistdreamsinthemaking.blogspot.com', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script> <iframe src="http://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID=3054107564476057249&blogName=url.blogspot.com&publishMode=PUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT&navbarType=BLACK&layoutType=CLASSIC&homepageUrl=http%3A%2F%2Furl.blogspot.com%2F&searchRoot=http%3A%2F%2Furl.blogspot.com%2Fsearch" height="30px" width="100%" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" id="navbar-iframe" frameborder="0"></iframe> <div id="space-for-ie"></div>
Wednesday, May 27, 2009Y

My feelings this moment- DEJECTED.

I wanted to be water baptise so badly but my entire family is like 100% against my baptism. It is not as if I came from a buddhist family! I AM NOT!

This baptism idea arose when I went over to the Fangs family for dinner this evening. People who knows me, knows that I am all about signs. There were a couple of signs this evening and I really thought that God wanted me tobe baptise.

First, Jasmine randomly asked me if I had been water baptise. Then, when Lynn came home, one of the first things she asked me were-ARE YOU BAPTISE. 2 similar questions in 1 night! Honestly, I was really hyped up about it! I really wanted tobe water baptise! To be re-born again. They started to call like their clan leaders and to find the proper protoccol for my baptism. I thought my family would be really happy about it. But they took in like total shock.

My spirit is kinda broken at the moment. I can't explain how I feel right now. Their reason against the idea was...
1. they want to be there ( ok i understand)
2. I am not committed enough. It is not something that I want but what God wants. But how do I know when God wants me to be baptise. I thought he wanted like everyone to be baptise and to be rebirth!
3. It is not time to think about baptising. i should be focusing in my studies.

I feel that there should be a balance. Something that I wasn't taught to have. A balance between church and studies. I can't really explain my feelings because it is all jumbled up inside me. I cannot be studying 24/7 everyday if not I would be a genius.

The emotions I am feeling right now SUCKS FUCKING BIG TIME. I have learnt to suppress it really well because I have learn how to keep it down. Partially, I have been living in other peoples' houses for the past 1year and 5 months and for other personal reasons as well.

One day, if ALL my frustrations are released, you guys better not be around because I will become something you have never seen before. Ever person has an inner monster. It is just a matter of when it will be released.

I don't feel like talking to a single person in the world and obviously i don't becoz there are only 4 freaking damn walls surrounding me. feeling like a f***king prison.

10:33 PM Photobucket