Hahaha! Back to blogging upon Emp's order!

Hmmmm let's see what have I been up to.. bbq, Red Cliff marathon, shopping, singing, zoo, night safari, eating, crushing schools with friends... There should be more but I can't really remember at this point of them!

WARNING: THESE ARE NOT OUR SHOES. LOL!

Going out with duck again tmr to do her stuffs! I need clothes for the next 10 months man! I don't usually do shopping in aussie cause the clothes there are kinda ex. shit I tell you. How nice if I can do online shopping but I guess the shipping fees will be damn ex! sian diao!

Since the rent in my homestay is rising, I was thinking of moving out after I find a better apartment. The room that the lady is offering me is a shares apartment and I am totally not a sharing person. I have been leaving in a single room my entire life. My studying environment is totally ruin and it is like sabotaging my own chance of doing well! Oh well, let's see how it goes. I think it is time for me to be independent as well. It is must cheaper staying by myself as well. The problem is cooking man! really sian diao! lol!

Cannot believe I have to leave in about month's time. shit man.argh

Actually I didn't wanted to come in december because someone is around. Those who knows me will know how much I am suffering here. It's my grandma who didn't look after me and my sis when we were young. Both of us have practically no relationship with her at all man. Suddenly she came to stay with us. Freaking annoying. The point is, how are we suppose to bond with someone whom we no relationships with.

Honestly, I simply have no respect for that bunch of relatives. You will know why in my position.I am not trying to be mean or anything. Their lives are full of drama! Some of my friends even said that they can make some channel 8 drama. I totally agree man. Just name the issue and I am sure they have it!

Like my ah lian cousin, she worked at this place (no idea where the hell it is), fell in love with her boss and I guess they are staying together now. Her boss is like 40 or 50 and apparently he has some heart problem or something. Oh well, that's her life. Money I guess. He's loaded. Anyway, this is just one of the them.

Sometimes, I hate Chinese new year because I have to go and visit those relatives. My mom still have to give hong baos to her siblings whom are already married and those singles who are like abover 30 years old. Seriously how embarrassing it is. Me and my sis have to give them face by smiling at them. Totally sian diao. I thank God for allowing the both of us to be born in this family. If not, we will be in deep shit and our lifes will be screwed man. Girls' home, prison, drugs, etc. Also, my dreams to become a Vet will never come through.

How I hope I can bring my family away from here, free from those people. I totally hate them. If you treat a person well, they will treat you well in return.

In the past, when my grandma wasn't living with us but her other sons as daughter which are my uncles and aunt, they will close themselves in their room. They don't even entertain us. I have to go to their room to call them, but even when I do so, they don't give a damn.

Now, my grandma is staying with us because they need help from my family to look after her. Haha they treat me and my sis super nice. They even asked my how am I. Seriously, I don't give a shit. They didn't use to bother about when for the past 19 years of my life. I don't see how I should give them any form of respect although they are my relatives.

When we watch shows on tv and see how the elderly get put in old folks homes or their family abandoned them. Usually, our normal reaction is- their children are so evil and irresponsible! How can they do that do their own mother/father?! During these few months that my grandma have been staying with us, I realised, ok not only us but my relatives have learn something.

Sometimes we cannot look on the surface but the internal situation. Outsiders can comment how mean or cruel it is to put their own parent in a old folks home. Only the family members knows and holds the truth. No third party should be involved. The problem doesn't lie in the children but the elderly themselves.

My grandma is the sort who is ruining the family unity. She loves to gossip about her own children creating disputes and chaos among themselves. I hate it when she drags my mom into these kinda situation. My family is usually not involved in these kinda problem, until she arrived and stepped her foot into my house. damn it. How can a mother do these kinda things to her own children. Isn't a mother suppose to hold the family together? Isn't the mother suppose to ensure peace within the family and not create conflicts? Isn't the mother suppose to impart knowledge to her own children? Isn't... ? Isn't...? Isn't...? My aunt even said now she knows why people send them to olf folks home.

I think people will never be about to understand the situation until they are in it themselves. This is life I guess. The only 2 reasons why I am glad to going back to Melbourne is because I get to study vet and to be away from all these nonsense. Every single day of my life, I am praying for God to look after my family when I am away. When I have the money and wealth, I will bring them away from here. Far far away from those people. I hope they will leave us alone. I love my family and I want the best for them. Those people are like parasites who leech on my parents. I wanna bringing my family away from them.

Me and my sis always envy people who have wonderful cousins and during cny, they will spend their time together and watch a movie or something. We never had cousins like this. As least I have a great family and I am contented already! I hate them ever since I was young and all of them are making it worst.

Since my grandma arrived, I haven't been able to have my own freedom in my own home. I am always in my own room, just like is aussie. I thought when I come home, I can feel the homey feeling and just embrace my time here. Now, there is foreign particle in my house. It doesn't move, only ocassionally. I hate it when my dog and cat goes near her or when she goes near them. All my friends know how much I love my babies. Her children said that they will bring her back for cny. I don't see them around, not even their f**king shadow. wth.

Enough said. The anger and the frustration that I feel every single day cannot be expressed. THIS IS MY HOME BUT A STRANGER IS STAYING HERE. IT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE HOME NO MORE.

Some people may think I sound harsh but you are not in my situation so I guess who will never understand where I am coming from.

2:07 AM