06S08 had PW rehearsal from 8am to 2.30pm! Almost died by the end of the day. My group was the first group to present yet we stayed all the way to 2.30pm! We are such loyal audiences.lol! Anyway we were having picnic both inside and outside of the classroom at the PD block. Me, Huiting, and Christine were the ones outside eating carrot cake, drinking sugarcane juice, stealing snacks from inside the classroom and playing computer games. Eileen, Chu Yun, Qiu Kun, Janice, Leonard, Chun Jie, Ivy, Xiao Ting, Jun Feng, Weiling and Geogorina were watching JJ076 (Shu Hui, Liping, Say Hoe and Joleen) present. Everybody were eating junk food lah! So unhealthy lor! lol During the presentations, we watched a movie but I can't say it out if not we will get into trouble! Only 06S08ians will know! Right peeps??!! ")

Later I had band. Nothing really much to commend about. I was just thinking what is my job in band? Well, purely just taking attendance and updating the band list I guess. I have began to hate band now. Quitting have crossed my mind a couple of times during practice. Evertime I have band, I feel depressed and lifeless. The will to play well have all gone. I simply hate band now. I feel as if I have nobody to lean on for help. It was a mistake right from the beginning when i quit band in sec 1. I made the wrong decision and gave up band for Girl Guides(GG). Big mistake, HUGE mistake. I can't blame anybody for making me change my mind at that time. But if I could turn back time, I would love to go back to that moment. Why couldn't I see at that time that music was my gift. There was once where I gave up piano when I was in pri 3. Another stupid mistake. Anyway, I am not trying to say that guides was a bad cca or anything but honestly, I didn't gain much from there. Yes, there were leadership trainings and positions which shaped the Eleanor of today. Still I would choose band over guides if I were given another chance. But I know it won't be EVER possible. So give it up.

Friends are important to me. The main reason why I crossed over to guides and argued with my principal to allow me to quit band is because of a friend. I promised to join guides with her and I had to keep that promise. She was Ni Ting. Now i question myself if it was all worth it. Where have our friendship bought us? Where was all the "Best Friends Forever"? Where was all the "Keep in touch"? When I think about what happened between us, I'm amazed that it was all because of a guy. Good job man.

Anyway, sadly to say, I'm more of a quitter than a survival. I give up things easily without much effort being put in. This is me. This is Eleanor. I love to daydream. I thought that I could master the Eupho by 2 months when I haven't played it for 4 years. Who am i trying to kid?
I feel as if somebody in band is just waiting for my downfall. You want to prove to me that I can't make it. FUCK you then.

An instrument in a non-living thing. It's dead and lifeless. The player is the person who brings life to the instrument and that is where music comes alive. But when the player is dead, as in lifeless, the music will be dead as well. This is my position now. I'm dead, my instrument is dead and my music is DEAD.

Xin yuan is trying her best to teach me the technics but she has learnt the eupho for such a long time and hence it tends to come to her naturally already. It's hard to teach people like that. I can understand where she comes from and I don't blame her for it. It's the same for me. I have been learning the piano since I was 4 years old. When people ask me how do I know which is the low or high C, I can't understand why they don't know. Piano comes so easy to me that I don't feel the stressfulness of learning it. Maybe now I am experiencing it on my eupho. People must think that I am stupid or somthing because I told them that I played the eupho in pri school. But when I played, I sound like a crazy person who knows nuts about it.

People feel happy for our band because we have grown in strength but somehow I don't feel the same. I am so sorry. I am trying to feel happy. I really am but I can't. It's just that once I am in band, the quiet side of Eleanor comes out. I don't interact or laugh much when I am there. Why? I have no idea too.

Miracles never comes knocking my door but all i wish for is just 1. Please, 1 miracle will do. I really hope that I can master the eupho by band fest.

Anyway Good luck to everybody for their pw.